Timers get a lot of – well, let’s be honest – dumb questions during race day. And while our preferred response to most of these questions would bring in some pretty great reactions from participants, we know we’re part of the event and have to represent the event to the highest standard. So to help you relieve some stress, we compiled the top 5 things we “love” and our dream responses, dripping in sarcasm.
1. Registering Minutes Before the Start of the Race
I know the race starts at 8 a.m. and the website and all the emails that were sent said to please be checked in by 7:45 a.m., but yes, we can totally make an exception for you at 7:58 a.m. We know how important it is that you stopped and got your favorite Starbucks drink – they were out of caramel? How dare they! And sure, this isn’t the check-in table but I can totally take care of everything for you. And yes, I’ll ask the race director to hold the start of the race while you stretch. Next time, we’ll plan the start time around you.
2. Watching Your Kids for “Just a Couple Minutes”
Did you know we’re certified child caregivers as well? Most timers won’t tell you that – it’s their dirty little secret they like to surprise people with at the right time. We’d love nothing more than watching your bundle of joy as you run a 10K with your best friend Joyce from accounting. And yes, we have things they can play with, if you’re OK with them playing with extension cords, surge protectors and other electrical-based items. Oh you have a dog, too? Sure, I can watch Bailey and walk her throughout the race. I mean, it’s not like I have anything better to do. BTW, does Bailey bite? She does? Perfect!
3. Telling You Your Results the Second You Cross the Finish Line
I just saw you cross the finish line and I’m also really excited to stop what I’m doing and tell you your final time. Oh, and you want all your split times, too? No problem. I’ll rattle off all these times for you – slowly, sorry – while you text them to all your BFFs. And sure, I can stop what I’m doing and take a photo of you at the finish line. Let’s go do that now. We’ll take a couple, actually. It’s a little overcast today, so I’ll do some with the flash on and some with the flash off.
4. Watching Your Stuff While You Race
Why yes, we have an elaborate cubby system behind our timing tables where we can hold anything you want. Bags, jackets, water bottles – we’ll take it all. And yes, please come behind the table throughout the race and dig through your stuff, over and over again. We don’t mind it at all. And when something goes missing, you can totally hold us accountable and we’ll reimburse you right away. Do you accept checks?
5. When You Move the Race Barricades ‘Cause They Are In Your Way
Sorry about that. We didn’t realize the course was in the way of your preferred route to the grocery store. But go ahead and move the barricades – we’ll make an exception for you, just this time. You are a special flower and we all know it.